A man who’s thinking of divorce hesitates because of the children. Mariella Frostrup suggests thinking about how a marriage can evolve and adapt
The dilemma I am a 50- something well-educated man, married for nearly 30 years, with two children at university. For the past 15 years I have been unhappy in my relationship with my wife. There has been a constant difference of philosophy in bringing up the children: adventure versus cotton wool, exploration versus stay at home, achievement versus comfort zone, confidence versus reliance. Recently I was subjected to a long rant (not the first) in which she said I should drop my job, which includes lots of travelling, sometimes for long periods. It ended with a “me or your job” ultimatum. I have stayed this long for the kids. I would leave, but I am worried about the effect on their lives.
Mariella replies I’m not a stick-together-at-all-costs sort of person, but I don’t often advise the opposite either. Thirty years of marriage and two grown kids is quite a feat and agreeing on how to raise them is now a redundant argument, as your opportunities for influencing them slowly dissipate. That doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right, the reasons and the impetus to get the hell out.